Coping With Syscourse-related Stress
First off, please just take a deep breath. Breathe in to the count of 4 . . . aaaand out to count of 5. Whatever was going on, whatever those people were saying, they're not here right now. You're safe.
The harm you are feeling from syscourse is real and valid. I may not know what exactly happened, but I know that I believe you!
If you or a system member are currently in crisis-mode, please focus on soothing first. Here are some resources if you need help: ✧ An interactive self-care guide (a great place to start!)
✧ Self help for distress ✧ Multiplicity/Plurality Crisis Resources ✧ Methods of soothing yourself & system members ✧ Self help for when you feel fake/unreal/dissociated Your body and all the residents of your body, regardless if there's one or many, deserve to feel safe and believed.
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Coping Strategies & Reminders
It's easy to get overwhelmed from online drama and discourse, especially if it has to do with something so deeply personal like being a system or being plural. You're not alone with this experience. I've been around the online system community for a long time so I've seen a lot of syscourse. I've had to develop a lot of my own strategies for coping with the stress that comes from it.
Here are some strategies and reminders, in no particular order:
- Rant about what happened. Privately. It can feel so cathartic to just rant about everything in whatever way you want without worrying about being judged. You can write it down or type it out or talk inwards or just talk into an empty room.
- Talk to someone you care about. I cannot thank my friends, my therapist, and my beautiful fiancé enough for all the times they've listened to me rant and vent about syscourse. Reach out to someone you care about.
- Know that just because someone is loud and aggressive, does not mean they are supported. Over time, I've come to understand that the loudest and most aggressive people in syscourse are usually the least supported. Hardly anyone supports their opinions, which is what makes them shout even louder.
- Distraction time. Do something that makes you happy. Play a video game, watch a movie, go for a walk, etc.
- Take a break from social media. Syscourse mainly exists on social media. Sometimes, it can be beneficial to just step away for a bit. Take as much time away as you think is right for you. It's okay to start small.
- It's okay to block and mute for any reason. Your online experience should be an enjoyable one! You are allowed to choose whose content you do and do not see.
- Use filtering features on social media. Some social media have filtering features that allow you to blacklist specific phrases and tags. Here's a guide for how to do this on Tumblr!
- Take a break from spaces that frequently talk about syscourse or online drama. There have been times when I was in a system space that I genuinely enjoyed, but intense and overwhelming discussions about syscourse or other drama frequently popped up. It's always okay to take a break.
- Tell friends when you need a break from talking about syscourse. If you're friends with other systems or plurals, it's normal that they may want to vent or talk about syscourse sometimes. There are also some people who are more passionate about engaging in syscourse than others. Sometimes, hearing about syscourse so often from someone you care about can be overwhelming. If you need a break, please tell them! A good friend will respect your boundaries and enjoy talking about other things instead.
- Try asking someone to clarify what they mean. People in the online community often use the same terminology with different meanings. If you're confused about something, try asking someone to rephrase what they meant.
- Your pain is real. Period.